Daily Archives: May 20, 2020

The People

Letters from Cardiff in lockdown: Abbie Morgan

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Today’s instalment for the Letters from Cardiff in lockdown series comes from Abbie Morgan. We’re looking for your stories, so please contribute to Letters from Cardiff in lockdown! 

“2020 is going to be my year!” is the statement I made to friends at the end of January. So many other humans had used that phrase before me that it caused an eye roll for most, but I was trying to persuade myself that this would be the case. Moving to a new house, getting back to the person I have always been after the end of a really tough relationship and as I went through February and the start of March, it really felt like I was on track to make the most of that statement. Then came lockdown.

At the first suggestion of some time working from home, I was apprehensive but at the same time believed I could use the time wisely. I bought art supplies in the week running up to my last day in the office and reassured myself that I would be completely fine, knowing full well that loneliness had caused so many mental health issues in the past. Turns out I have done very little drawing or painting but taking photographs has definitely become a thing. Its almost like I have been trying to document what’s been happening to us all with the least amount of mental/physical effort.

Then the day came, as part of my job I had to make sure a few others in the office were okay before leaving. Little did I know that 7/8 weeks later I would miss their faces so much.

Working from home is okay… Just okay I’m afraid. One great piece of advice from my best friend was to make an office space so I could feel like I was in a work environment, not just curled up on the sofa every day or worse still, not getting out of bed other than to eat. My little breakfast bar is the spot, but it means sitting on a bar stool type chair every day leading to having to get up and stretch A LOT.

I have two cats as my isolation buddies and, If I am completely honest, are a great source of company despite sleeping for most of the day. They keep me in a routine and force me to get up at 5am to be fed. If you have ever experienced two cats screaming in your face at that time of day, you will know it is definitely a sound you cannot ignore. This in turn has led to me heading out for a run first thing in the morning and making the most of Cardiff Bay at that time of day. I stop at points on the route each time to take a photo or two and share them on my Instagram stories for those who sleep way past sunrise.

During this whole situation there has been the question of dating. I went on a few dates prior to lockdown being in full force and it was great to have the idea of getting to know someone new.

Dealing with what is now lovingly known as the new normal whilst trying to date or connect with someone new throws up all sorts of challenges. How many messages a day is reasonable? How much do you need to share about your boring day in the flat? How do you know if you actually like this person or how much do they like you without being in each other’s company? Is this just a lockdown thing or are the plans you have made for later this year real or just a fantasy?

It’s a mental health nightmare, especially for an overthinker like myself. All I can say is that the idea of company at the end of a phone from someone who thinks enough of you to reply is a nice feeling. Maybe it’ll be something or, maybe it’ll be a strange version of a holiday romance and once lockdown changes, their attention will head back to their life before. Either way, a connection with someone who you are slowly getting know, a message or call at a time, has allowed me to dream about a time without restrictions.

My favourite personal challenge during this time has been to post a photo of all the outfits I have decided to wear. It has to be plural as I often feel the need for a costume change half way through a day. I have spent 17 years collecting so many different items of clothing from vintage fairs, charity shops and even some expensive gowns for posh events in the past. Most have only seen the light of day once so it felt like a good time to show them off. There have been fancy dress Zoom parties and dressing up for VE day which have been little excuses to dig right to the back of the wardrobe for something special.

As I write this, I am currently wearing outfit 65.. and still have, I think, at least another 30 days’ worth to go. I honestly do not want this lock down to continue until I run out of clothes, but I get the feeling that may well be the case!

Follow Abbie on Instagram @babos87 

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The People

Letters from Cardiff in lockdown: Jill Berrett

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Today’s instalment for the Letters from Cardiff in lockdown series comes from Jill Berrett. We’re looking for your stories, so please contribute to Letters from Cardiff in lockdown! 

Lockdown for me, far from limiting my life, has opened up a certain freedom and new opportunities which have given me back something of what I had lost.

One of the strangest aspects of lockdown for me has been so many people in the UK and around the world, joining in my lifestyle – one of having to stay at home. Although nothing like COVID-19, I know how a virus can devastate and change a life beyond recognition.

Over 30 years ago I got up one morning to get ready for work and collapsed. I could not move part of my body, and was hospitalised in the Heath where they thought initially that I had had a stroke.

Eventually after blood tests a viral attack was diagnosed from which after years of struggle I have only partially recovered with my mobility becoming increasingly poor over the years. Initially I kept trying to work and be active but I kept getting more ill, having been diagnosed with M.E. There was no treatment and it was some time before I realised how much I had to give up in order to rest and try to build some energy as I was running on empty.

Following a fall five years ago, I was diagnosed with osteoporosis and despite having no further falls I now have five fractures in my spine which led to my becoming, a year ago, a wheelchair user and mostly housebound.

Lockdown for me, far from limiting my life, has opened up a certain freedom and new opportunities which have given me back something of what I have lost.

Fewer cars on the roads has made a huge difference. I am not in the shielded group, and I can get out in the wheelchair using the roads, now shared with mobility scooters and cyclists – a joy. The pavements in my area are unusable for wheelchairs, being uneven and broken, usually leaving me marooned in the house. I can still drive a little but I have to be surrounded by cushions, it’s painful, and worsens my back.

Now my partner can push me down the road from home to use the paths along Roath Brook with me shouting ‘pothole ahead’! We can be amongst beautiful mature trees, clear water, ducks, squirrels and an ever increasing range of birds in just a few minutes.  As we pass dog walkers, people with buggies etc, all social distancing, there are lots of smiles and ‘hellos’.

Visiting the park

I am a member of Roath Writers and an Ekphrastic writing group and used to love going to meetings but as I became weaker and my back became fragile and painful making it difficult to sit in ordinary hard backed chairs I could no longer go to them.

Now I can attend a poetry book launch with others on Zoom, enjoy daily readings of Wordsworth poems by a variety of people recognising the remarkable voice of Leslie Caron at 88 years, as the 250th anniversary of his birth moves online.

I will also be able to attend The Hay Literature Festival as it moves online. I used to visit regularly until my mobility became too poor and access was too difficult. Now I will be able to share this with others again.

For the first two weeks of lockdown my greatest worry was getting food, as I was used to ordering nearly everything online for delivery into the house being unable to do my own shopping. Suddenly I couldn’t get supermarket delivery slots and the Welsh organic company that used to deliver regularly could not continue to provide this service.

But gradually with a lot of hanging on the phone I got online slots restored and my local Beanfreaks have been brilliant at a busy time for staff, taking orders by phone and my partner can pick them up. And since then a lot of other companies who didn’t usually deliver have started to do so and I have a larger choice than in the past.

I have long appreciated my garden as I can get outside easily but never have I been so grateful for it as during lockdown. Freed up from FOMO, feeling that everyone else is having a busy active time that I can’t participate in and that I ‘should’ be doing more useful things. I feel that pressure less, my health has improved and I’m enjoying my third lockdown novel.

My deep hope is that as the lockdown is eased and people can return to their former lifestyles, opportunities to participate online will continue for disabled people and others.

I am a member of a global organisation called Millions Missing and this week is M.E. Awareness Week. Now more than ever we need more investment in biomedical research and treatment for this long neglected illness, and education for health workers as after this pandemic there is a real likelihood of more people struggling to recover from COVID-19 and having M.E.

Jill Berrett has lived in Cardiff for 40 years, having come from London to work in Cardiff Law Centre. She is now a writer and campaigner.

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